What 'The Sims 4' Lovestruck expansion pack gets wrong about polyamory

Non-monogamy successful its galore forms seems to beryllium everyplace correct now. Hundreds of articles person been talking astir non-monogamy and polyamory. Some are calling it

, others are pointing retired that it’s

. Trainwreck TV show

presented an absolute masterclass successful really not to do it, while different shows specified arsenic BBC mini-series

sewage person to bully representation. And now, your Sims tin beryllium poly too.

The Lovestruck Expansion battalion for Sims 4 includes caller WooHoo (aka sex) spots, caller interactions including a caller buss and dance, and astir interestingly of all, caller ways to set your Sims' boundaries and let for aggregate relationships.

But location are a batch of misconceptions and often practice of polyamory gets things earnestly wrong. And erstwhile it comes to polyamory successful The Sims, I’m sorry to opportunity I person much bad things to opportunity than good.

One of nan awesome changes successful nan description battalion is nan Romantic Boundaries system, which allows players to set their Sims' acquisition of jealousy. This was nan first point that leapt retired astatine maine erstwhile I heard astir poly Sims. I rolled my eyes astatine conscionable really evident (but incorrect) this item is. One of nan first questions I get asked erstwhile I show group I’m successful a polyamorous narration is "but don’t you get jealous?" And though it mightiness look for illustration communal consciousness that a very suspicious personification would struggle pinch polyamory, there’s thing rather messed up successful this measurement of thinking.

Jealousy is conscionable an emotion for illustration immoderate other. Polyamorous group are not someway immune to emotion jealous. The quality is really you take to enactment connected those feelings, arsenic good arsenic really you pass them to your partners. A amended measurement of representing polyamory mightiness person been by ramping up connection and honesty, not by tuning down jealousy. This contributes to nan misconception that polyamorous group are someway unopen disconnected from our emotions, aliases that we are only capable to beryllium poly because we consciousness things little powerfully than monogamous folks. 

To springiness an illustration from my ain relationship, erstwhile I first sewage into a throuple, I had already been pinch 1 of my partners, Paul, for 8 years. One night, I was distant for activity and Paul went connected a meal day pinch Andrea, who we had met a fewer months before. It was nan first clip they had been connected a day without me, and you amended judge I felt jealous. I sat successful my edifice room panicking that they were having much nosy without me. But alternatively than keeping this emotion a secret, and letting it eat distant astatine me, I talked astir it pinch them. They said they had a bully evening, but it would person been conscionable arsenic overmuch nosy if we’d each been there. I realised that my emotion of jealousy came from a spot of insecurity — I was worried they were going to determine they for illustration each different amended and ditch me. But why would they, erstwhile cipher is asking them to choose? In polyamory, you get different things from different partners, a spot for illustration really a monogamous personification mightiness get different things from different friends. A mate who’s willing successful football, for example. Or a pal who’s amended astatine giving career advice. People often presume location will ever beryllium a favourite successful polyamory, but it conscionable doesn’t activity that way. Once you study that, you deliberation astir jealousy differently, but being a non-jealous personification isn’t a prerequisite of polyamory. Being consenting to pass openly is.

The EA Games

astir nan description battalion besides seems to connote that relationships betwixt Sims will still beryllium arsenic couples, but that a Sim tin beryllium successful aggregate unconnected couples astatine nan aforesaid time. New Relationship Dynamics, which see Wholesome, Steamy, Strained, and Unpredictable, bespeak what nan Sims’ relationships are like. But nan blog specifies that these will only use to nan interactions betwixt 2 Sims. The blog says, for example: "Wholesome refers to 2 Sims who genuinely emotion each different and show it done their actions, some friends and romantic." There is nary mention of throuples, quads, aliases larger groups of polyamorous group (often called polycules).

This is simply a very constricted position of polyamory and not astatine each typical of what astir polyamory looks like. In fact, location are truthful galore

it tin beryllium difficult to support up with. There’s room array polyamory, wherever a group mightiness beryllium friends but not needfully each involved, there’s hierarchical polyamory, wherever a personification mightiness person a partner they unrecorded pinch and a much casual partner they spot little often, there’s narration anarchy, which holds that each relationships (romantic and otherwise) are of adjacent worth and importance. That’s to sanction conscionable a few.

The type of polyamory portrayed successful The Sims seems to beryllium a substance of solo polyamory and parallel polyamory. This mightiness typically look for illustration 1 personification dating aggregate people, but those group not being progressive pinch 1 another. This is simply a wholly valid shape of polyamory that useful for tons of people. But it’s surely not nan only type and suggesting different reinforces nan thought that nan only genuinely valid romanticist narration is betwixt 2 people.

Although EA has sewage a batch wrong, location are a mates of things I like. The caller turn-offs are relatable AF (Sims tin get turned disconnected by fishing) and there’s besides a caller measurement to measurement restitution successful relationships.

conducted by Dr. Heath Schechinger, co-founder of nan Modern Family Institute and nan Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition, recovered that greater restitution for a assortment of individual needs was 1 of nan main reasons group enjoyed being polyamorous. In this sense, polyamorous Sims are capable to activity retired genuine connections and that’s refreshing to see. Too often, group presume polyamory is mostly astir sex. In fact, according to Schechinger’s research, this was only nan 8th astir mentioned reason.

In nan past, The Sims has done awesome things for visibility astir intersexual and narration diversity. In 2022, they added much

, and successful

and specifications specified arsenic apical room scars were added. What makes polyamory truthful difficult to get correct is that it’s so, well, complicated. Polyamorous group sometimes comparison their relationships to a "choose your ain adventure". We benignant of make nan rules up arsenic we spell along. And nary 2 polyamorous relationships are alike. From nan position of a games designer, that makes for a daunting task. But arsenic polyamory becomes much wide understood, companies should beryllium seeking retired input from group who are really experiencing these dynamics IRL, alternatively than going disconnected assumptions and stereotypes.